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Safety Strategies
These safety
strategies have been compiled from safety plans distributed by state
domestic violence coalitions and local domestic violence programs around the
country. There is no guarantee that if you follow all or some, of these
strategies that you will be safe; however, implementing these strategies
could help to improve your safety situation.
Personal Safety with an Abuser
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Identify your partner's use and
level of force so that you can assess danger to you and your children
before it occurs. If an abusive situation seems likely, try to diffuse
your partner's anger.
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Try to avoid an abusive
situation by leaving. Go for a walk, and let your partner cool down.
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Identify safe areas of the
house where there are no weapons and there are ways of escape. If
arguments occur, try to move to those areas.
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Don't run to where the children
are as your partner may hurt them as well.
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If violence is unavoidable,
make yourself a small target; dive into a corner and curl up into a ball
with you face protected and arms around each side of your head, fingers
entwined.
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If possible, have a phone
accessible at all times and know the numbers to call for help. Know where
the nearest pay phone is located. Know your local battered women's shelter
number. Don't be afraid to call the police.
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Let trusted friends and
neighbors know of your situation and develop a plan and visual signal for
when you need help.
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Teach your children how to get
help. Instruct them not to get involved in the violence between you and
your partner. Plan a code word to signal to them that they should get
help.
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Tell your children that
violence is never right even when someone they love is being violent. Tell
them that neither you nor they are at fault or cause the violence, and
that whenever your partner Is being violent, it is important for them to
keep themselves safe.
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Practice how to get out safely.
Practice with your children.
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Plan for what you will do if;
for instance, your children somehow tell your partner of your plan or if
your partner otherwise finds out about your plan.
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Keep weapons, like guns and
knives, locked up and as inaccessible as possible.
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Make a habit of backing the car
into the driveway and keep it fueled. Keep the driver's door unlocked and
others locked for a quick escape.
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Develop the habit of not
wearing scarves or long necklaces that could be used to strangle you.
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Have several plausible reasons
for leaving the house at different times of the day or night.
Getting Ready to Leave
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Keep any evidence of physical
abuse, such as pictures, etc., in a safe place that is accessible for you.
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Know where you can go to get
help; tell someone you trust what is happening to you.
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If you are injured, go to a
doctor or an emergency room and report what happened to you. Ask that they
document your visit.
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Plan with your children and
identify a safe place for them (for example, a room within your home that
has a lock or a friend's house where they can go for help). Reassure them
that their job is to stay safe, not to protect you.
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Contact your local battered
women's shelter and find out about laws and other resources available to
you before you have to use them during a crisis.
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Keep a journal of all violent
incidences involving your abuser those aimed at yourself and those aimed
at others
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Acquire job skills as you can,
such as learning to type or taking courses at a community college.
General Guidelines for Leaving an
Abusive Relationship
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You may request a police
stand-by or escort while you leave.
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If you need to sneak away, be
prepared:
-- Make a
plan for how and where you will escape, and include a plan for a quick
escape;
-- Put aside emergency money as you can;
-- Hide an extra set of car keys; and
-- Pack an extra set of clothes for yourself and your children and store
them at a trusted friend or neighbor's
house. Try to avoid using next-door neighbors, close family members and
mutual friends, if at all possible.
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Take with you a list of
important phone numbers of friends, relatives, doctors, schools, etc., as
well as other important items, including:
--
Driver's license
-- Regularly needed medication
-- Checkbooks and information about bank accounts and other assets
-- List of credit cards held by self or jointly, or the credit cards
themselves if you have access to them; and
-- Pay-stubs.
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If time is available,
also take:
-- Copy of marriage license, birth certificates, will and
other legal documents
-- Verification of social security numbers
-- Citizenship documents (passport, green card, etc.)
-- Titles, deeds and other property information
-- Welfare identification
-- Medical records
-- Children's school records and immunization records;
-- Insurance information
-- Valued pictures, jewelry, or personal possessions.
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Create a false trail.
Call motels, real estate agencies, schools in a town at least six hours
away from where you actually are located. Ask questions that require a
call back to your Current house in order to leave numbers on record with
your abuser.
After Leaving the Abusive
Relationship
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If getting a
restraining order and your abuser is leaving:
-- Change
residence locks and phone number as soon as possible;
-- Change
your work hours and the route you take to work;
-- Change
regular route you use to take your children to school;
-- Keep
your copy of the restraining order in a safe place;
-- Inform
friends, neighbors and employers that you have a restraining order in
effect; and always call the police to enforce the order even for the
slightest violation.
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If you leave:
--
Consider renting a post office box for your mail or using the address of a
friend;
-- Be
aware that addresses are on restraining orders and police reports and can be
accessed by your abuser;
-- Be
careful to whom you give your new address and phone number; and
-- Change
your work hours if possible.
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Alert school
authorities of the situation, and the fact that a restraining order is in
place.
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Consider changing your
children's schools.
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After you leave,
reschedule any appointments that your abuser was aware of before you left.
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Shop at different
stores and frequent different social spots than you previously frequented
so your abuser will be less likely to find you.
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Alert neighbors of your
situation, and request that they call the police if they feel you may be
in danger.
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Talk to trusted people
about the violence.
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Replace doors with
solid-core wood, steel or metal doors. Install security system, if
possible.
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Install a lighting
system that lights up when a person is coming close to the house (motion
sensitive lights).
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Tell your co-workers
about the situation; ask their assistance in screening all calls you
receive during office hours.
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Explicitly inform your
children's caretakers about children who is allowed to pick up the
children and that your partner is not allowed to do so.
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Call your telephone
company about "Caller ID." Ask that your phone be blocked, so that if you
make the phone call, your partner nor anyone else will be able to get your
new, unlisted phone number.
All rights reserved.
Copyright 1995 by
the National Victim Center. This information may be freely distributed by
electronic communication, provided that it is distributed in its entirety
and includes this copyright notice, but may not be reprinted or distributed
by any other means without the express written consent of the National
Victim Center.
This information has been
provided to you free of charge as a service of the National Victim Center.
As a non-profit organization, the Center is wholly dependant on private
donations and public support to sustain its operations. In order to ensure
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consider making a tax-deductible donation to the Center.
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