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Physical Abuse Physical abuse includes unwanted physical contact, which may or may not cause an injury. Physical abuse can be directed at you, your children, household pets or others. Has your partner ever: _____ pushed, shoved or kicked you _____ held you down to keep you from leaving _____ slapped, hit or punched you _____ bit, stabbed, burned or choked you _____ thrown objects at you _____ locked you out of the house _____ abandoned you in dangerous places _____ refused to help when you were sick, injured or pregnant _____ tried to hit or force you off the road with a car _____ threatened or hurt you with a weapon
Sexual Abuse Degrading treatment based on your sex or sexual orientation; using force or coercion to obtain sex or perform sexual acts. Has your partner ever: _____ made jokes or crude remarks about you or other women _____ treated women as sex objects _____ jealousy; accusing you of affairs _____ forced you to dress a particular way _____ put down your feelings about sex _____ criticized you sexually _____ insisted on sexual contact or touching _____ withheld sex and affection _____ called you sexual names, like “whore” or “frigid” _____ forced you to strip _____ shown sexual interest in others _____ had affairs with others while agreeing to monogamy _____ demands monogamy from you, while insisting on freedom for self _____ forced sex with him/her or others _____ forced sex after beating or threatening beating
Emotional Abuse Emotional abuse is mistreating and controlling another person. The emotional abuser makes their partner feel afraid, helpless and/or worthless. Has or does your partner ever: _____ ignored your feelings _____ ridiculed or insulted your valued beliefs, religion, race etc. _____ withhold appreciation, approval or affection as punishment _____ continually criticize, calling you names or shouting at you _____ insult or drive away friends/family _____ humiliate you in public or private _____ lied or withheld important information _____ always checks up on you _____ treat you like a child or servant _____ threaten to leave you continually _____ abused pets to hurt or scare you _____ made you feel worthless, never good enough _____ dislike your friends/family or how you do just about anything
Intimidation and Threats The primary function of intimidation and threats is to instill fear and insure compliance. Has or does your partner: _____ put you in fear through looks, gestures or actions _____ smashed things _____ destroyed things of value to you _____ injured or killed pets to frighten you _____ threatened to hurt/kill someone you love _____ displayed weapons in a threatening way _____ cleaned weapons immediately after or during a threatening argument _____ threatened to leave you or commit suicide _____ made you commit illegal acts _____ threatened to report illegal acts or report you to welfare or child abuse investigators _____ said he’ll/she’ll never let you leave him
Isolation Isolation can be devastating. It prevents battered women from accessing support or resources. In addition, batterers through abusive tactics will turn family and friends against their partner. Has your partner ever: _____ started fights whenever you want to go out or spend time with friends _____ put your family/friends down _____ made you feel guilty when you spend time away from him/her _____ although it is not said directly, you always feel like you must ask before going out _____ refused to care for the children as you are preparing to leave _____ made you account for every moment of the time you are gone — who you are with, where you went, who you saw, what you did, etc. _____ made you late for work so many times, you lose your job _____ accused you of having affairs _____ monitors your use of the car _____ taken the phone or car keys when he/she leaves _____ locked you in a room when he/she leaves
Using the Children Threatening or hurting someone we love is a tactic to insure compliance. Batterers know that many victims are willing to suffer much to protect their loved ones. Has or does your partner: _____ threaten to kidnap or kill the children _____ punished or deprive the children when mad at you _____ call you a bad parent _____ use visitation to harass you _____ tell the children “I’m going to jail because Mommy is mad at me” _____ refuse to participate in the care of the children _____ use the children to make you feel guilty _____ threaten to sexually abuse the children if you won’t have sex
Economic Abuse Controlling a battered woman’s access to financial resources can directly affect her ability to be independent of the batterer. Has or does your partner: _____ control access to household money, you don’t know how much or where it is _____ make all the financial decisions _____ if you are responsible for the household budget you have to account for every dime and are punished if there isn’t “enough” _____ take your paycheck or sell your belongings to get extra money _____ prevent you from getting or keeping a job
Minimization, Denial and Blame Minimization, denial and blame undermines the credibility and reality of battered women. By making light of, denying responsibility for, or blaming the victim for their actions, the batterer creates an environment in which the victims feelings, thoughts or needs are ignored and devalued. Has or does your partner: _____ say he/she wouldn’t hit you if you hadn’t made him/ her angry _____ say the abuse never happened or that it was no big deal _____ say you deserve it
Control through Overprotection and “Caring” Some batterers will use concepts like caring for or protecting as a means to control another. The emphasis here is on the intention of the action - will there be consequences if you don’t go along with his “kindness” _____ he/she doesn’t like it if you are away from home, he/she worries and wants to know where you are all the time _____ he/she phones or unexpectedly shows up where you work to see if you’re “ok” _____ he/she shops or runs errands so you don’t have to go out _____ he/she drives you to and from places so no one will get “ideas”
Using Societal Privilege In our society, many of us carry value based on our status. Some examples include being male, wealthy, heterosexual or white-skinned. Has your male partner ever: _____ treated you like a servant _____ made all the “big” decisions, telling you what to do _____ acted like the “master of the castle," using that to justify abusive behaviors
Has your female partner ever: _____ used heterosexism or homophobia to put you in fear _____ threatened to “out” you to family or coworkers _____ say you aren’t a “real” lesbian _____ threatened to tell your children or former male partner that you are in a relationship with a woman
Adapted from materials written by Ginny NiCarthy. |
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